now i know why i became what i already was.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
