I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I use my feet as sexual weapons
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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