Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
