there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
