I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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