My pussy is not your playground.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
