Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
