mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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