Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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