The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
