i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You took a bar mat shot.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
