i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
