i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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