get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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