Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
