I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
