I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
