haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
