the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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