no. you can't hotbox the world.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
