Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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