how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
