TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
