We're facebook friends in real life
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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