We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
