Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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