I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
