she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
