I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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