My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
