lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
