I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
