Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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