So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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