Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
