So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
