You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
