420 ftw
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
