He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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