Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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