I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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