My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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