Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
