i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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