Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
