Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
