Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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