it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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