Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
