would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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