so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
