her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
