Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Randomize
