She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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